The Man in the Mirror

I have a palliative care nurse friend who I love, deeply respect and miss not seeing everyday.  She and I used to talk about why working with the dying was so important to us.  It is the stories.  I miss hospice nursing, it was the best work I ever did.  I miss my hospice nurse friends.  They are some of the most remarkable people I know.  I miss the patients and their families.  THEY are the MOST REMARKABLE people I know and raise courage to another level. 

My friend and I loved to share stories.  Some made us very sad.  Some gave us pause.  And some just made us laugh.  Dying is a natural part of live.  It is the greatest adventure you ever take.  God is asking you to trust Him completely and fall into his arms even when you aren't sure they are there.  They are. They are.  Our bodies die but our souls do not.  Death can not steal our souls.  Death can not steal love.  Love is eternal and is in our hearts forever.  Love never stops at death. Never.  Hope begins at death.  It is at death's door we begin to see another place to go...a good place...a safe place...a place without pain and suffering and war and evil....We glimpse that place when we journey with our loved ones through death. 

Her name was Mary.  I loved me some Mary.  I loved me some Mary.  She had a brain tumor.  She lived alone.  She had a wicked sense of humor and a very grounded spirituality.  I was visiting her one day and asked her how things were going.  She said "fine, except for that man in the mirror."  She was taking high dose decadron and beginning to hallucinate a little so I wasn't concerned, especially since she seemed to recognize the man in the mirror.  I asked her who the man in the mirror was.  She said without batting an eye, "Jesus- he shows up every time I go in there."  Now being the very therapeutic nurse that I am, I asked  "So how do you feel about that?"  Without batting an eye she said, "It scares the hell out of me.  What do you think?  How would you like Jesus staring at you all night long?"  Here's where  I burst out laughing.  Mary said "it is not funny!"  I told her I was sorry, it was just the way she said it.  I asked her if I could cover the mirror up.  She said no, "He might forget who I am."   Good point.  I asked, "Do you talk to him?"  She said, "Hell, yes.  I tell him he is scaring me and unless he is coming tonight to limit his visits to daylight hours and only at 11 am after I have had my coffee."  OK, I was bent over double laughing now.  Mary asked "'what is  so blame funny?"  "Oh Mary, oh Mary," I said.  "I love it you being completely real with Jesus and he should wait to visit after morning coffee 'cause we know what a grouch you are."   Mary said, "Damn straight."  Then she said, "But I am scared.  I am scared."  I said, "What about?"  She said "the dying doesn't bother me, it is where I am going."  Just had to try my therapeutic technique one more time and I asked, "Mary are you afraid your going to hell?"  She said, "Hell no I ain't afraid of hell.  I been in hell for the last 6 months with my cancer.  I figure I am moving up.  Also Jesus and I got a real understanding.  He understands my grouchy side and I understand his surprise side.  You see I am just afraid that something I really like here might not be in heaven and what if I don't recognize no one? or I don't like my house or something."   "Honey, I think that all works out.  I really do."  She said, "Well, I ain't singing in no choir." 

She declined very quickly after our talk.  Which is common.  She was finishing up some business.  She wanted me to understand what dying really was like and that she really did see Jesus.  She died about 5 days later in her home with the mirror looking straight at her.  She saw Jesus right up to the end.  I never did.  But I tried.  I could feel an unusual peace though.  And the one thing I regret...I never asked her what Jesus looked like.  As many people who have told me they see Jesus, I have never asked. 

Because I think Jesus comes to us as we are...
If you are coffee drinking, late sleeper...He shows up about 11 am with a cup of  Starbucks to share.  
If you are an early riser and a pacer...He paces with you. 
If you are  a kid and just love stories...He comes gets up in bed with you and tells a story. 
If you are rocking in your chair sipping tea, He is in the next rocker...
If you are standing outside looking at the sunrise...well He loves sunrises....
If you sing in the shower...He is singing right along with you...
And if you can't stand, walk or move or even open your eyes, he comes in very, very quiet like and blows his breath over you so you can feel His peace...

How do I know these things...Well I have been there and people have described it to me while it was happening...I know He comes...I have seen too many times not to know that He always show up to lead his sheep home to the Father... He always comes back for the one.  It is the one that Jesus loves.  And you know what...

WE ARE ALL THE ONE

He comes back for each of us just as we are and carries us home.

Be reminded and hopeful and joyful my friends that when you see endings coming...look for new beginnings...look for Jesus in the mirror...look for Jesus in the sunrise..look for Jesus to be right next to you...holding your hand walking you through the next, best part...being with Him and the Father....

Lent is for Life,

Kathleen