Been There, Done That

They met me the same night I met Vance.  They have known him longer, but last night I think they loved me more.  I knew they would laugh with me and nod their heads in complete understanding.  Not that I was right, but agreeing we have all been there.  Been there, done that.  The funny thing is, few of us will ever admit it.  I am not sure why.  I think we believe it lessens us.  Actually by admitting our failures, admitting we behave like jerks, (and I do this on a regular basis), admitting we are pretending to be perfect, admitting we really don't know what to "have and to hold" means either, we find ourselves.  We find our true selves.  I am not sure why we waste so much energy on being someone we are not, but we do. We base so much of ourselves and our marriages on what we think others will say. In Tales of Hasidim, Martin Buber says,
"In the coming world, they will not ask why were you not Moses.  They will ask why you were not you?"
So it is best to be you.  That is why I decided to tell them what happened Friday night.  I knew they would understand and still love me.  I decided to share with my reader friends because it is just plain funny and I know we have all been there, done that. 
I was exhausted Friday night.  I had cleaned house, worked in the yard, cooked, worked on a paper for school, grocery shopped, etc.  General everyday mom and wife stuff.  Work on Thursday had been trying to say the least.  I was anxious to finish my semester up.  My nerves were on edge to say the least.  We went to Davis' ballgame.  At this point, I can not remember if they won or lost or even where it was.  We didn't eat till 9 pm.  I just do not function well not eating.  I get cranky and Vance won't admit this, but he does too.  We came home.  I was putting dirty uniforms in the laundry.  And he said it.  He fussed at me for leaving a candle burning.  I do have this very bad habit.  I don't think I am a pyromaniac, but who knows.  It was the way he said and then what he said.  Not the worst thing in the world but bad enough.  And I snapped.  And I did something I had never done in 17 years of marriage and swore I would never do.  Just a small piece of marriage advice....Never say never.  And most marriage counselors reading this would say I tore at the fabric of my marriage and created unhealable wounds.  Doubt it. Don't have high regard for marriage experts, every one I have ever met has a crazier marriage than mine and they have either been divorced or are thinking about divorce.  I think when it comes to the been there, done that moments, you are better off talking to friends.  And when you do, you find you are not so silly after all and everything will be ok.   Everyone I know has done this or thought about it, but just won't admit it.  And true be told, if it isn't a habit, it is probably very healthy.  I was so mad at him, I grabbed my purse, got Davis and went to my mamma's.  I would have gone to Shirley's because it was closer, but William was in town and I didn't know where  I would sleep.  I am not sure who I scared more, Davis, Vance or my mamma.  So at 930 pm, there I stood on her doorstep with my bewildered son, my purse, and my tear stained faced.  I just wanted to go to bed.  My daddy took Davis and calmed him down, my mamma ran upstairs, brought me some pjs', soap, toothbrush and moisturizer and a bottle of Ativan.  I didn't take the Ativan, but I did take four Tylenol pm, washed my face and crawld into bed.  I slept till 9 the next morning.
When I told them, they just laughed and laughed.  Yeah, they had been there and done that.  He wanted to know why Vance just didn't give me the silence treatment.  He said that's what he did to him. He said Vance has been mad at him too.  I said I don't know, but I bet he doesn't do this again.  And I bet Davis never calls his wife stupid.  I guess that was the lesson in it all.  Other than you can always go home again and you can always make up...Davis won't call his wife stupid.  They also both said with laughter in their voices, the next time I can come to their house.  They also told Vance he could come too, but he would have to sleep in the barn with their horse.  That's when I knew they loved me more.

All is grace even when you fight...

Kathleen