#epicfail

      O, Lord God, who sees that we put not our trust in anything we do...(BCP)

      Snow is an agent of Satan. Friday, two days into my Lenten fast, and the epic ice storm of 2014 hit.  I am attempting to give up meat, desserts and wine this year.  And so far with the exception of Wednesday and today (but the day is still young), I have failed.  And if it had not have been for the snow, I probably would have stayed on task. 

            My house was one of 144,000 that was without power Friday and gratefully it is has been restored.  I am saying a prayer for all my friends who still do not have electricity.  By 11 am Friday, my house was cold, so I decided to pack up and go to my mom’s house.  Davis and I packed enough for two days.  My mom lives 6 miles away.  Vance was at work, so I figured he could fend for himself.  Between us, we had five bags, four pair of shoes, four coats, two iPhones, Kindle HD, and two pair of boots and a snow shovel.  It was still sleeting and snowing, and I am guessing there was about 4 inches of snow/sleet/ice on the ground and my car.  My trunk was iced shut. It took me and Davis thirty five minutes to clean off the car and we still left all the snow all the back and hood.   We were frozen and covered in sleet when we finally go into the car and I am planning on writing liturgy that extols the mercy of God for granting man the ability to design heated car seats.

            And at the end of my very long driveway, Satan attacked me in the snow.  One doesn’t associate the color of white snow with Satan, but now I do.  The warmer temperatures and periods of rain had reduced all of that snow into a nice gray slush that accumulated under my car.  I have a Sonata that does not have a snow plow attached to the front, so by the time I reached the end of my drive way the snow was well past my bumper and my car just stopped moving forward.  I got out and assessed the situation.  I got back in the car and said a few choice cuss words and Davis just began laughing out loud and said, “Mom, Lent is not going to end well for you.  #epicfail.”

            We were going to have to dig out.  Davis went to the garage to grab our snow shovel.  It was a lot of snow.  And yes, Davis is in much better shape given basketball and baseball workouts along with weight lifting to shovel than I can ever hope to be, but those cars were driving awfully fast.  My decision was if one of us was going to be hit by a motor vehicle it should be me.  So Davis watched for cars and would yell, “Car, two coming…one coming…it’s clear now, etc.” for the next 35 minutes as I dug my car out.  Two police cars actually parked across the street and watched this little comic charade of mine.  I didn’t expect them to help shovel, but stopping traffic for a couple of minutes would have been nice.  Davis said they were just waiting for me to get hit by a car, so they could call it in to EMS.  He was probably right. It was a foolish thing to do, but I was cold.  And by then, I was colder. 

            Finally we were free!  I was so exhausted and so cold and so wet, that I just threw the snow shovel in the bag seat, told Davis to hop in and we left. My mom had asked for me to stop and pick up some birdseed for her, but I was not stopping that car until I got to her driveway.   As much as I love my mom and truly don’t mind driving in all kinds of weather, her birds were going to have to starve.  Davis had been such a trooper through all this and I felt he needed a treat.  He loves Chick-fil –A.   Of course, I do too.  As I drove to my mom’s I noticed the parking lot into the Chick-fil-A was clear, so I drove right up to that drive thru window and ordered Davis a #5 combo and myself an entrée of 8 nuggets. As we pulled off, Davis gently reminded me I had given up meat.  I am not sure but he may have posted an Instagram photo of me eating my nuggets -#epiclentenfail.  

            Lent is tough, so I've compiled this list of tips for anyone entering the wilderness.  I found these while surfing the web looking for ways to succeed at Lent.  Never could I unplug.  Remember my Lenten retreat last year? I am the one who brought the copy of her bible and BCP as an app on her iPhone, so I could also check my son’s baseball game scores.  I kept staring in my lap during that retreat just like my students do.  

The following tips are based loosely on an article by Dr. Tim Stanley found in the Telegraph. (I have no idea what type of website or what kind of authority Dr. Stanley is on the subject of Lent, but these seemed very reasonable to me. But, then again, as my son said, #epiclentenfail.)  

1.    Don’t give up anything you shouldn’t be doing anyway.  Drinking too much, cussing, credit card fraud, overindulging sweets.  Really, really should not being doing those things anyway. 

2.    Don’t give up anything you won’t miss.  Like work. Parking lot duty. Cleaning your room. Having your teeth cleaned. Mammograms.

3.    Don’t give up everything because you will die or perhaps someone else will.  Some people go on crash diets of no meat, no carbohydrates, and no alcohol. While you might feel like a saint for 24 hours, (I made it for a whole two days), you will feel like a raving lunatic in about a week.  I am just a middle-aged teacher/nurse from Virginia and not Jesus.  The chances of me keeping a strict fast are very, very slim. God is very accustomed to human beings letting him down.   And I often suspect that God expects us to fail far more often than we do.  

4.    Don’t let Lent sink you into despair.  A monk said once, that the thing he was giving up for lent, was giving up. 

5.    Don’t think you can sneak off the Lenten vows behind God’s back.  He is omnipotent and omnipresent.  He really does know about the Dove chocolate you have hidden in your dresser drawer. 

6.    It is about God, not you.  Lent can sometimes be turned into a second chance at New Year’s resolutions or an excuse to shed a few pounds.  The entire point of Lent is to remind us about God-not to fit into last year’s swimsuit.  Try to think about Jesus living on a diet of grace and sand-that’s the real point of fasting. To get all of your demons (which could be chocolate, social media, booze, selfies, anger, fear, snow, heat, jealousy, grudges,  Chick-fil-A,etc.), out of the way so you can actually see God every once in a while. 

       The good news is that even if Lent turns out to be #epicfail, and you wake up and find yourself hiding in the bathroom eating an entire bag of Dove chocolates, it really is ok.   It serves as a reminder of how weak and frail you really are.  I hate to break it to you, but the job of God has already been taken. The entire Lenten season or Christianity for that matter is about facing your humanity and owning up to your failures.  Better still; the message of Lent is one of redemption.  Of being resurrected again and again and again.  It is about life coming from death. It is knowing that whatever goes wrong in life, God always gives second chances.  Lent is about falling down, getting back up and trying again even the entire 40 days were #epicfail.