For Ginny and all the other woman who have mothered me including my own….
Since I am no June Cleaver, (although I do love wearing dresses, heels and pearls-just not to cook and clean in), Carol Brady, (she did have really cute hair and she and Mike did appear to have time for sex with six kids and all – never mind about the fulltime live in housekeeper), and I ain’t no Hallmark mother either, and none of us, no matter how much we try to tell people otherwise, are. I thought I might share a few words about the reality of trying to be a Proverbs 31 woman. SPOILER ALERT: It is impossible.
I have this incredible insightful, wise, funny, smart friend (I forgot to add gorgeous, can cook, dance, sing, has great shoes and hair), who has forgotten more about the bible than I will ever know. And about once a month or so she gathers a group of women around in a circle to share their collective wisdom, spiritual gifts and insight into scripture. This month we read and talked about the Proverbs 31 woman as well as some very famous biblical mothers. And it is just amazing to me what you can find tucked away in some passages in the bible. And what will just shine through the cracks of time and it just speaks.
As many sermons as I have heard on the subject, (and sometimes it really does bother me that there is no such thing as a Proverbs 31 man and no preacher ever preaches on that on Father’s Day- just sayin’), I never knew till Wednesday night how the description came to be. And ladies, I got be honest, it took a load of my mind and a weight off my shoulders and I could breathe a deep, deep, deep sigh of relief and stand up and say “Whew, glad you finally cleared that up for me God.” Talk about pressure. Just reading Proverbs 31 will make even the best mom and the most virtuous woman feel like a chronic failure.
A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
She gets up while it is still night;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her female servants.
She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
“Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
Honor her for all that her hands have done,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.
Proverbs 31 begins: “The sayings of King Lemuel—an inspired utterance his mother taught him…”
According to my friend Ginny, as well as just about every Old Testament scholar I could Google, - we really don’t know who King Lemuel was. Some scholars believe it was a poetic name for Solomon, some think he was a non-Israelite King named Massa, and some think he is purely a poetic figure. I kind of like the last explanation best. It kind of makes me feel a little better knowing that perhaps that lovely description was poetry at its best and not meant to be taken literally. And his mother must not have ever wanted him to marry and leave home. And if I had of married King Lemuel, I hope Mother Lemuel lived in another country that didn’t have camels or other means of ancient travel.
Fortunately for those of us who live in real skin, the bible is not lacking in character studies of mothers. Take-Sarah for instance, wife of Abraham and mother of Isaac. God calls her the mother of nations and quite literally she was. She also laughed at God, gave her husband up, lied, and forgot to pray about that whole being barren thing. My favorite part of the story is in Genesis 18:15 where the Lord asks, “Why did you laugh?” She says, “No I didn’t.” And I love this part…”Yes, you did.” I have laughed at God a time or two myself. And God in is infinite mercy, called me out on it too.
Then there is Rebekah, mother of Esau and Isaac. Talk about a schemer and manipulator. She was also a prayer-er. She got on her knees asked God for a son. God being God still, gave her two. We are not told why she liked Isaac more. Maybe she hated redheads and venison stew. Maybe Esau really did smell bad and never did take to the whole bathing thing. Maybe (and this is my thought), Isaac was a momma’s boy and just stayed up under her more. At any rate, Rebekah was determined to make sure Isaac got the birthright. And like many mothers, she made sure her son was in the right place at the right time, with the right clothes on, and Isaac stole Esau’s birthright with a bowl of soup. And to be honest, what mother doesn’t combine prayer with a little planning? I suppose Rebekah could teach helicopter moms a thing or two. But I also admire her commitment to prayer.
And then there is Naomi. The world’s greatest mother in law. She saw Ruth’s potential. Ruth needed a little mentoring. Naomi reminded Ruth of the importance of a good manicure, modesty, a good meal, manners, and a good dress and there is a right way to catch a man. The line of David comes through Ruth, which is kind of a neat thing considering that Ruth was not an Israelite. Never underestimate the hard earned wisdom of older women.
And my personal favorite- Rahab. Talk about a hot mess. Joshua and Caleb are planning a shock and awe attack on Jericho and they needed a place to do a little re-con. They are gathering intel on the enemy and ask Rahab to hide them. The bible says that Rahab ran a house of prostitution. Now there are a lot of ways to look at that. The bible doesn’t exactly say what she was selling. She could have been selling meals, a cup of java, laundry services, a hot bath, a foot massage, a kind ear, a bed or sex. (And given the options of single mothers back then- maybe she didn’t choose her profession as much as it chose her. I know- my friend Ginny reminds that not all single mothers in the bible happened to run a brothel. But I still think God sends an extra measure of grace to women who find themselves in less than favorable circumstances). But one thing was clear-she was a savvy businesswoman. She knew Jericho was going down and she told Joshua if he promised safety to her, her kids, her momma and her daddy and her brothers and her sisters and her nieces and nephews and uncles and aunts and cousins- she would lie for them and hide them and when the enemy came knocking – she said, “what red string? I have no idea who you are talking about. Strange people, I ain’t seen no strange people round here, maybe you better check out the next street.” See the thing about Rahab that I admire is that she didn’t always see God- but when she did- she took a stand. The other cool thing about Rahab- she did what it took to protect her family. And not just her immediate family but her extended family and it sounds like everyone she loved she considered family. She covered them all. And the only woman listed in the lineage of Jesus- Rahab.
So through all those cracks Wednesday night it occurred to me that while the Lord aspires for me to live up to King Lemuel’s poetic description, the chances are pretty good that I WON’T. To be honest, I think God expects us to fail far more than we expect to fail. Why else all would there only be 21 verses devoted to a perfect woman and hundreds of verses devoted to the rest of us? Motherhood will not grant you sainthood. And while we tend to focus on burnt dinners, hectic mornings, 5 pm meltdowns, the drama of middle school girls, the unfinished homework, boxed macaroni store bought cookies, and dirty laundry and crumpling on the floor into tears and teenage tantrums…maybe we should focus on seeing God when we can, praying as hard as Rebekah and knowing at the same time we might make a hot mess of things and mentoring like Naomi. Those were real women with real lives who lived in real skin and told real stories, not about being the perfect mother, but living with a God who is an extravagant spender of grace and lavishes mercy on all who mother.
Grateful for all the women God has used through out time to mother us all.
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